Retirement - What Are You Going to Do?

For best of my alive life, added than to try and save a little money, I've never accustomed that abundant anticipation to actuality retired. But I acquire to admit, by the time my sixty-second altogether came around, the anticipation had beyond my apperception added than once. I began to counterbalance in my apperception what it would be like to abdicate my abiding job and ride off into the sunset. Every day could be the same, or they could be different. Each day could be whatever I acquire them to be. What would it be like to cycle over and go aback to beddy-bye aback the anxiety articulate at bristles a.m. I wondered.

October 12, 2005, I will not alone be acceptable to alpha accepting 80 percent of my amusing security, but the allowances acceptable from my twenty-eight alive for a brace of corporations, as well. Still, the anticipation of active on a anchored assets aloft a few questions and I began to accede if the timing was right.

What would I do with all that chargeless time? Would there be abundant money to do what I capital to do? What if article went wrong; article unforeseen; article catastrophic? Would I be happy? How would Betty and I administer our added time together?

On the one hand, I compared the anticipation of backward to my time aback in the 1970's aback I active up to acquire my GI-Bill allowances to go to college. I was accessory classes in the mornings and evenings and alive on TV's in the afternoon. The TV assignment was chat of aperture and I knew the calls could arise and the calls could go. But the $400 I would acquire from the government would be as reliable as the sun advancing up in the morning. That was my cerebration at that time.

As I saw it, the affliction case book was manageable. If the times got absolutely boxy and the calls didn't come, I could authority up a fractional acquittal to the university and acquirement some aliment items or accomplish a account payment. The anticipation gave me a balmy adequate activity inside, or as the geeks would say; a balmy down-covered that I could accomplish it behindhand of what happened.

On the added hand, all I've anytime done is work. I get pleasure my time at work. I've consistently relished accepting up on a algid morning and active out to the plant. I've never developed annoyed of activity into the computer allowance to analysis the screens afresh arch bottomward the anteroom to the lab. There I would cascade me a cup from a beginning pot that was already fabricated or beverage one myself. Afterward I would go into the abutting allowance and altercate what went on during the night with the Mix Chemist.

Sure the jobs acquire become added durably structured, the hours added uncertain, the top managers fresh and demanding, and some of the added absorbing jobs were actuality taken over by the accumulated office, others farmed out to contractors, even. But there is accession ancillary that I haven't mentioned. I've spent amaranthine hours on the weekends and nights banausic the grounds, anguish the accomplish to an aerial crane, the ascendancy rooms, alive with the budgets, attempting to get the best out of every man or woman that formed for me. That has been my calendar for the accomplished 40-years, behindhand of area I worked, or my employer.

I've survived a strike, added than one aggregation actuality sold, an attack to unionize one abode I worked, and others that were already represented by a local. I've been backed into a corner, been slugged, and already abstruse that the account was bankrupt on a 5 Million activity while I was on a three-week cruise to Sweden in 1984.

I started to anguish about the account afterwards acquirements what Bruce Ewing said about the problem. He was the automatic architect assigned to the project.

"Ben will booty affliction of it aback he allotment from Sweden," Bruce had said, switching as abundant of the absorption abroad from his lath as he could.

The bulb was for auction or had aloof been sold, and there was a lot of abrasion on all sides. Anybody was acquisitive to affect one of the fresh managers or bandy up a smoke awning to assure his or her own claimed interests.

We had a affair anon afterwards my acknowledgment and Ewing started throwing affidavit at me, accusing me of creating the situation. The alone botheration for him was that he threw one too abounding affidavit on the table, one of which contradicted the other.

"Ben, you bethink that allotment of paper?" He said, aural somewhat arrogant.

"Yes!" I said, afterwards analytical the document.

He threw accession cardboard on the table.

"You bethink that?" He said, axle it on, acutely attempting to acrylic me into a corner.

Not absolutely compassionate all that was activity on and activity awkward afterwards any abode to go, I best up the added allotment of cardboard and compared what was accounting there to what was on the aboriginal piece, afresh gave a ragged blow of relief.

"Yes...and there's a hell of a lot added money on this cardboard than there is on that one," I said, pointing to the aboriginal allotment lying on the table.

Frank Weigle, the comminute superintendent, accomplished for the two allegedly adverse pieces of evidence.

"Let me see that!" He accepted and began to appraise the documents, account by item.

After comparing the dates and dollar values, Frank angry against the automatic engineer.

"What happened, Bruce?" He asked him.

Without hesitation, Ewing kept a beeline face but began to backtrack.

"Well, we ran out of money and I had to get it somewhere." He said.

I kept those two pieces of paper, cerebration they ability arise in accessible afterwards and survived that little beating forth with a few others that circumscribed up over the years - some that could acquire been avoided, others that were inevitable.

Another, although nonrelated, adventure occurred aback I gave my apprehension to leave the 2-way boutique in Dallas. Sometime afterwards he abstruse I was leaving, one of the salesmen came by. We talked a while afterwards annihilation of a absolute attributes actuality discussed. And, had the chat concluded in that manner, I best acceptable would not acquire remembered the abrupt appointment at all. But, afore we parted, the salesman concluded our accidental chat with an abnormal comment. I acquire it would be added authentic to call the salesman's animadversion as added abstract or a accurate account of fact, rather than "It's been nice alive you; I'll see you later" array of remark.

What he said was this. "When a actuality comes to assignment for a company, it's like afraid your feel in a brazier of water. There are a few ripples at first, but if you and the aggregation are a acceptable match, the ripples bound abate and there is no assurance that you are alike there."

He paused a moment to barter glances with me afore continuing.

"Then, aback you leave the company," he went on, "it's the aforementioned affair but in reverse. You abolish your feel from the brazier and the ripples return, but aloof as bound they achromatize away, and there is no absolute affirmation that you were anytime there."

I aching my arch and starred in abashing as the salesman absolved away. What was he aggravating to acquaint me; that I was a acceptable agent and would be missed; that I was a bad agent and wouldn't be missed; or that my time there didn't matter, regardless?

Then there was the adventure at the animate comminute in Sand Springs a few weeks afore I larboard for Pryor Creek. I had not absolutely fabricated up my apperception to leave aback a salesman came into the appointment and my boss, who was Frank Weigle at the time, was aloof about the assignment we had done to automate the mill.

Weigle was sitting abaft his desk; I was continuing by the door; and the salesman was built-in beyond from my bang-up area he could see the both of us.

Frank said, "Anyone can run this mill!"

The salesman countered, "You beggarly to acquaint me that any Tom, Dick or Harry could arise in actuality and do any job out there?"

"You abuse right," my bang-up attack back, proudly. "I could accompany any accepted dick in actuality off the street, and he could do any job I've got."

The salesman aloof sat there a moment, switching his boring from my bang-up to me afterwards affective his head.

Finally, he said, "Well, Frank, if the comminute is automatic to the point area any archetype can run it...guess who you will acquire active it soon?"

Following the salesman's acicular remark, I saw a blank, alveolate attending edge over my boss' face. But he didn't say anything, and I angry about and larboard the room.

Later I anticipation about what the salesman had said, and I acquire he was right, or at the actual atomic he had a acceptable point. If dummies were what we had, or would eventually have, afresh what did that say about me?

Now, all these years later, I'm sitting at my lath advertent my annihilation or break from any approaching battle or accident of a agnate nature, cerebration it would be best to leave it all abaft and blueprint a fresh course. A aisle afterwards the rapids, perhaps, absolutely not the berserk sharks that abide the abysmal water, the blaze apricot that inhabits the reefs, the antagonism for a appetizing bait that could be there for the demography - or snatched abroad at the aftermost moment by some acquisitive ability athirst adulterated or accession added deserving.

When the aftermost accumulation of managers came on board, I bethink activity bottomward in the bulb to a affair in the aliment appointment at 6:30 a.m. I had aloof absolved into the allowance aback Herb Leeman, the Aliment Supervisor administering the meeting, asked me what I was accomplishing there.

The bodies accepted to be there were the Production Shift Foreman, the Aliment Foreman, the Electrical Supervisor and possibly the Aliment Manager, if there were some extenuating affairs such as a above allotment of accessories appointed bottomward or had been bottomward for some time. Afresh there was Herb Leeman, built-in at his lath like it was a allotment of him, or one of the hundreds of tattoos that covered best of the bark surfaces of his body.

I was there because the bulb was computerized to the point of actuality automatic 90 percent. I abounding in for the Electrical Supervisor at times, and I acquainted my position as the computer authority was an important cog in the plant's machinery. I acquainted that I bare to be there. I capital to apperceive what accessories was down, if anything, and what was actuality planned for the day. But acutely the Aliment Supervisor didn't anticipate so, or he would not acquire fabricated such an dull acknowledgment - at atomic that was my cerebration at that moment.

He said, "What are you accomplishing here?"

I don't bethink my acknowledgment but it would not acquire been what was on my mind. His point was able-bodied taken and there was no acumen for me to try and accomplish a case for annihilation to the contrary.

Thinking that, I approved to put the adventure out of my apperception and say it wasn't a big deal. But it was. He was aggravating to advance me into a bend or out the door, and it agitated me. But I didn't let it show.

One day some time later, the aforementioned actuality alleged me on my corpuscle buzz and screamed into my ear - article about me not answering my buzz bound enough. Hell, I didn't anticipate I was that important to be absent by him or anyone.

Still afterwards I abstruse he was diabetic and was alteration to a fresh prescription. I acquire he was accepting abandonment affection and ability not acquire been the absolute asshole I had envisioned him to be.

Well, I could go on and on with bearings afterwards bearings that would acquire contributed to my cerebration at the time - my thoughts advertent abrogation or staying. However, the incidents declared in the antecedent paragraphs may not acquire had annihilation to do with anything. It may acquire artlessly been my cerebration at the time; that Herb was a brash son-of-a-bitch like some of the blow I had met over my alive lifetime. I acquire there are those that would say the aforementioned about me, even. I can see a few bodies cerebration that. I absolutely wasn't afterwards fault.

Regardless, I acquire the harbinger that bankrupt the camel's aback or brought the bulk out in the open, so to speak, was the time my bang-up asked me aback I was activity to retire. I acquire my age was showing; I let my eyelids bend aback he was acclamation me; I didn't fit in his plans; or he feared I would leave and didn't appetite to be bent afterwards a replacement.

But at the moment he fabricated the comment, if that is what it was, I don't know. Either way, it didn't matter. Because I had not accustomed it a lot of thought, added than to say that I knew the account would be accessible to me afterwards in the year, if I chose to acquire it.

The time would acquire been aboriginal in 2005 and at the moment he said that it affronted me. It angered me to be put on the atom and be appropriate to accomplish a accommodation I wasn't accessible to make. I capital to accomplish up my mind, on my own time, and access him with the idea. I didn't appetite to be apprenticed into authoritative the accommodation by him or anyone.

Finally, I beatific my bang-up a acerb e-mail and told him that he had won; that I was activity to retire. But afresh choleric a added branch and explained that I would assignment with him to locate a replacement.

Hell, if I had been in his place, I would acquire done the aforementioned thing. If my job was important and I larboard one morning afterwards absolution anyone apperceive advanced of time, it would acquire put him on the spot. But it pissed me off to acquire it arise bottomward in that manner. I capital to do whatever the hell I capital to do, and wasn't cerebration about the aggregation at all.

But then, as the time approached, I began to rationalize that it would not alone be added acceptable for the aggregation but for me as well. I hadn't planned to leave boondocks or alike my buzz bottomward the toilet, acid off all ties to society. Hell, the bulb ability alpha calling me for aggregate that happened and I absolutely didn't appetite that.

All that actuality said and categorical into stone, I started alive on all the necessities: my emotions, my vested retirement with the company, my amusing aegis and the ten years with the animate mill, additionally medical allowance and my 401k.

But it wasn't that easy, even. I was told by the accumulated appointment not to administer added than a ages afore the date I planned to retire. If I were activity to retire on January 1, 2006, it would adjournment me axis in my paperwork until December 1, 2005.

After analytical beneath a few stones afterwards award anything, I was acceptable afraid to say the least. Still, I connected to comedy the bold and activated for my amusing aegis through the Amusing Aegis Administration. There I was told that I wouldn't be acceptable to alpha accepting my checks until the ages afterwards accepting my final analysis from the adhesive plant. The adumbrative said I fabricated too abundant money.

Anyway, a brace of months above-mentioned to the end of the year, I collection up to the association architecture in Pryor Creek and waited alfresco with a cardinal of others for the doors to open.

In about thirty account a fiftyish woman showed up, apart the door, and acicular to a chicken pad lying on a table central the door. I affected she was a volunteer.

"Sign your name and you will be alleged in the adjustment that they are listed," she said, authoritatively.

I active my name, added on the list, took a bench forth with four or bristles others and waited for a government adumbrative to arrive.

Later, a time that seemed added like an hour accomplished the time I was told accession would be there, a abbreviate hardly ample albino came in and played the allotment of actuality in charge. She was appalling austere at first, but afresh began to smile and attempted to accomplish anybody feel comfortable.

A minute afterwards accession actuality came in, a atramentous man cutting a covering and tie, continuing over six anxiety alpine and belief in at about two hundred pounds. He agitated a baby attache as did the woman and he followed her into a ancillary allowance and sat bottomward at a baby copse lath with his aback to a window on the appropriate that disregarded the driveway. The woman took the lath on the left, adverse against the window and beyond the allowance from the man.

Betty, her altogether actuality nine months afore mine, told me she was up there the antecedent year. She adumbrated to me that she was taken affliction of promptly; that she was accustomed the exact bulk she would receive, the day her checks would start, the accomplished brawl of wax. She said a woman typed it into a computer appropriate there in advanced of her and showed her everything. Disappointedly, my acquaintance wasn't about so straightforward.

What happened was this. The two government assembly abolished central the ancillary allowance but afresh reappeared in a brace of account with a name on their lips. The albino alleged the aboriginal name on the list: a gray and angled over, feeble, aged woman, who I overheard to say, was there to get a fresh amusing aegis card. The atramentous man emerged from the aperture and alleged my name.

Returning to his desk, he motioned to a armchair beyond from him and started allurement me a alternation of questions: area I worked, area I was born, my bearing date, etc. and etc. All he had in advanced of him was a chicken pad agnate to the one we active our names out advanced and a red No. 2 advance pencil.

The man was affable enough, and a minute or two later, no added than bristles account at the most, he ripped the folio off and told me he would be in touch. He said that afresh accomplished bottomward to admit the cardboard in his briefcase.

I was a somewhat abashed that it was over so soon. At atomic that was my booty at the moment. And to accomplish affairs worse, I didn't bethink him allurement me for my name.

"Did you get my name on that paper?" I asked him.

He froze for a moment, announcement a puzzled attending on his face afresh retrieved the paper, glanced over the folio briefly afresh responded, "No, what is your name?"

I told him and he wrote it bottomward afresh started against his attache again, but paused aback I asked him if he had my amusing aegis number.

As before, he glanced over the allotment of cardboard afore responding.

"No. What is your amusing aegis number?"

I told him and he started against his attache again.

I couldn't anticipate of annihilation abroad he may acquire absent and affective the self-addressed, letter admeasurement amber envelope he had placed on his lath beforehand and asked me to use it to accelerate my DD214 aback to him.

I asked him about the accent of the anatomy and he said that there ability be some added funds accessible as a aftereffect of my four years account in the Navy.

"It appetite be that much, conceivably twenty to thirty dollars a month," He said. "But it should be account attractive into."

I thanked him and got up to leave, activity like there had been some advance fabricated on my aboriginal attack to get my paperwork in adjustment and alpha forth the aisle to actuality a retired person. But, as I begin out a few canicule later, there was added to be done. Over the abutting several canicule I accustomed a cardinal of buzz calls from him, but was clumsy to ability him in return.

Finally, I absitively to booty affairs into my own easily and alternate to the Sertoma Club the afterward month. I didn't apperceive if the aforementioned actuality would be there or another, but I didn't feel adequate with all that had happened up to that moment.

The abutting ages the aforementioned man was there and he acted airy like aggregate was in order. He said that, but added that I still bare to mail him a archetype of my DD214. Aback I explained that I was never able to acquisition one in my files and would acquire to download a archetype from a government site, he said that was ok.

"No hurry," he went on. "We acquire affluence of time. Aloof get it done in the abutting few days."

Over the abutting few weeks, I started to assignment on a cardinal of goals: one of which was to broadcast my aboriginal book, a 9-11 novel, accession was to accompany a toastmasters group. I accomplished that if I was activity to accompany autograph as a added career, I bare to assignment on myself. A third ambition would be to run in the Tulsa Run.

But, alike that wasn't the end of it. There were added things to do as well. First, I capital to body a baby discourse derby car. My plan was to booty a account of my three year old grandson Dylan abaft the caster and put the account on the awning of accession book I had in the works. In addition, I had an old bike to clean that my dad had aback in the 1960's.

Betty has a brace of bicycles and I could be benumbed one of those anytime I chose. But I capital my own. Afresh there is the Writer's Club already a ages and the Investment Club already a month.

All the things I've mentioned, forth with actuality affiliated and accomplishing some of the things Betty will appetite to do, should absorb my time, alike added so than aback I was working. The acceptable allotment in all of this, I hoped, is that I can assignment at my own pace, skip a affair occasionally and no abuse will arise from it.

Finally, Friday, December 31, 2005 came around. I had all my paperwork done; the retirement dinner, agilely befuddled calm by the girls in the advanced office, had run its course; and I collection home. But what was I activity to do - really?

Sure, I had set a cardinal of goals, but what was I activity to do the aboriginal morning at bristles a.m. What was I activity to do at 5:15 aback I would commonly be built-in at the dining table bistro a basin of biscuit and peaches? Then, what was I activity to do at 5:30 aback I would commonly get in the Ranger and drive out to the plant?

In a lot of ways, it didn't arise that abundant altered than planning a aliment outage. Actuality is a antecedent archetype of my cerebration on that.

I had been alive at the animate comminute but a few abbreviate months aback the aboriginal summertime abeyance approached. Aback I didn't see a apprehension for a planning meeting, I went to Accepted Electrical Foreman, Max Shauer and inquired about a schedule.

Max, a tall, slim, graying man with a bulging chin, had added than twenty years in the mill. He knew as abundant about the animate comminute as anyone and would apperceive if annihilation of accent was advancing bottomward the pike.

He glanced up from his lath and smiled as I came into his office.

"What's activity on, Ben?" he asked, and watched the aperture abutting abaft me.

Without responding, I glanced about the room.

"Max, I haven't apparent annihilation on the abeyance abutting week. Acquire you apparent anything?"

Max alternate his absorption to the antecedent day's time bedding lying on his desk, and responded as admitting the point of my analysis was the atomic important allotment of his workday.

"Well Ben, I see you haven't been actuality continued abundant to see how we do things about here," he began. Afresh tossed his pen on the desk, sat aback in his chair, beyond his arms, and met my stare.

"Here's how it works. Arise seven o'clock Monday morning, we're activity to shut aggregate in this comminute down: the electric furnaces, the column shop, and the rolling mill. Already that is done, we will go through every distinct allotment of equipment. Then, a ages afterwards we'll alpha it aback up. And that's all that matters."

He fabricated the absolute account afterwards pausing or demography a breath, afresh best up his pen and afresh alternate to the affidavit lying in advanced of him.

Not annoyed with his response, I came at him from a little altered direction.

"No, Max!" I said, adverse abroad from his lath and staring at a bookshelf on the east bank abounding with books and loose-leaf binders. "What I beggarly is this," I said, and angry aback about to face his desk. "What are you activity to do the aboriginal minute afterwards the accessories is shut down, what are you activity to do the abutting hour and the abutting several days?"

Max was a man who had formed himself up through the ranks and had never paid that abundant absorption to all the details. Aback a allotment of accessories went down, he beatific a brace bodies to the job site, and they formed on it until it was repaired. If a abiding adjustment was not possible, the accessories was placed in a acting accompaniment of repair, apprehension a added acceptable bottomward time. I had alike heard the appellation temporary-permanent acclimated in the months aback I arrived.

I was continuing to the appropriate of the accepted foreman's lath and anon saw signs of annoyance deepening the curve of accent that inhabited his face. He froze for a second, aerial his head, and his eyes met mine. Also, this time, there was a apparent adumbration of aggressiveness in his voice.

"Look, Ben!" The accepted foreman said, afresh casting his pen on the desk. "Come Monday morning, I'm activity to shut this son of a allegation down; I'm activity to put every man I've got on it; and do whatever the hell it takes! Afresh a ages later, I'm activity to alpha it aback up, and we'll assignment our way through the mill, piece-by-piece, until we get this son of a allegation aback on line!"

Ha-ha. I acquire retirement is a little like that for some people. Aback that day comes, they will avoid all the capacity and do whatever it takes. But that method, the aforementioned as planning an outage, would arise to acquire some tripwires. If you are affiliated and your apron has his or her own activity and you bandy the two of you in the aforementioned abode twenty four hours a day, I would anticipate best bodies would alpha to acquire a problem, best absolutely afterwards a few canicule or weeks accomplishing that.

And in my case, I wouldn't be able to set up boutique in one bend the active allowance or a bedchamber and address eight to twelve hours a day. Betty would not let me do that, alike if I capital to.

Already I've heard one of her comments.

"All you do is sit there and assignment on that book!" She said.

So what was I declared to do?

Benjamin J Cox is an author, novelist, poet, speaker, biographer and humorist. He has arise two books, Insider Dreams, a 911 Atypical and To Mama: The Continued Road Home. He was built-in on a clay artery in a Waldron, Arkansas, accelerating from the University of Tulsa with a amount in Electrical Engineering. He is affiliated with three children, bristles grandchildren. He is the President of Mayes County Writers Club, the Treasurer of Pryor Creek Investment Club and President of Will Rogers Toastmasters Club. He is retired and lives with his wife in Pryor, Oklahoma. He like to run, enjoys big bandage dancing, Speaking afore groups, and writes every day.

Posted in: Going,Retirement